my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
