you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
