Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
