I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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