"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
