Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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