She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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