Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
