is your mom at the bar?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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