Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
