WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she looked like the before picture.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize