Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
