i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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