I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
