We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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