hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
