Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
