After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
