Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
sarcasm needs its own font
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
