he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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