Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
