i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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