just come out here and I will go home with you...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
