We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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