I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
