i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
