The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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