Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
