turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
