So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
