and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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