is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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