i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
