They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
