You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
