pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
