At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
