So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
