Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
