It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
