im six kinds of drunk right now
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Enjoy the penises
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
