apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
as a side note pls kill me
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
