So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
