I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
