his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
