I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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