return my video game
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
