matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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