He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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