We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
