You smell like stripper and shame
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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