Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
