So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Four minutes until I can fart!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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