We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
When are your genitals available?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
