she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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