someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
