Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
