So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
