Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Sober January is a disaster.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
