he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
