That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
