The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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