ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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