I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
