so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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