so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
