I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
third nipple confirmed
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
