oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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