My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
