why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize