I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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