i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
