he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
