remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
