I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
